I can't recall a time in my life when I was as sad as I have been over the past 4 days. I've tried to stay positive, especially for Matt's sake, but I have failed many times now. You have been gone for such a short time, yet I feel like I haven't seen you in a month. To the person who hit you with their car, I don't know who you are, I never will, and because of that I don't know the circumstances in which this happened. Also because of that, I assume the worst; and hate you with all of my heart and soul. To the person who called and saved us countless days of torment not knowing where you were; thank you.
What brought this post on? You may not know this but I was actually allergic to you. It wasn't bad, helped by the fact that you hair stayed mostly on your body :) however tonight, I was driving home, and my eyes started doing what they used to do if I accidentally touched them after being around you. I must have touched something with your hair on it. Speaking of your hair, I don't think I have ever seen a single one of your hairs in the house the entire year, and now that you're gone I keep finding them. I keep seeing everything more clearly. Your left over paw prints. The flat bit in the bushes where you slept sometimes. The gravel out the front of the neighbours house that you rolled in. Your post upstairs.
I'm finding myself worrying about what I say. For example I accidentally meowed at Gohan today, and he looked at me with this horrible look that made my spine feel like ice. I feel like I'm going to accidentally say, "Where's Felix?" or anything that we used to say in regards to you. I don't know if he knows that you're gone or not... If he's just waiting for you to walk through the door...
When I think back to that night, Christmas night of all nights, when we had to bury you, I feel spineless for not saying goodbye to you properly. For not asking to see you under the towel you were wrapped in. I think that's why this still doesn't entirely feel real, that I'm with Gohan waiting for you to come through the door.
I wish you could.
