Dear Felix,

I can't recall a time in my life when I was as sad as I have been over the past 4 days. I've tried to stay positive, especially for Matt's sake, but I have failed many times now. You have been gone for such a short time, yet I feel like I haven't seen you in a month. To the person who hit you with their car, I don't know who you are, I never will, and because of that I don't know the circumstances in which this happened. Also because of that, I assume the worst; and hate you with all of my heart and soul. To the person who called and saved us countless days of torment not knowing where you were; thank you. 

What brought this post on? You may not know this but I was actually allergic to you. It wasn't bad, helped by the fact that you hair stayed mostly on your body :) however tonight, I was driving home, and my eyes started doing what they used to do if I accidentally touched them after being around you. I must have touched something with your hair on it. Speaking of your hair, I don't think I have ever seen a single one of your hairs in the house the entire year, and now that you're gone I keep finding them. I keep seeing everything more clearly. Your left over paw prints. The flat bit in the bushes where you slept sometimes. The gravel out the front of the neighbours house that you rolled in. Your post upstairs. 

I'm finding myself worrying about what I say. For example I accidentally meowed at Gohan today, and he looked at me with this horrible look that made my spine feel like ice. I feel like I'm going to accidentally say, "Where's Felix?" or anything that we used to say in regards to you. I don't know if he knows that you're gone or not... If he's just waiting for you to walk through the door... 

When I think back to that night, Christmas night of all nights, when we had to bury you, I feel spineless for not saying goodbye to you properly. For not asking to see you under the towel you were wrapped in. I think that's why this still doesn't entirely feel real, that I'm with Gohan waiting for you to come through the door. 

I wish you could.

If it hurts you this much, then it must be love.
And it's a lottery, I can't wait to draw your name.
Oh I'm trying to get to you,
But time isn't on my side.
If the truth's the worst I could do,
Then I guess that I have lied.

Keeping me awake,
It's been like this now for days.
My heart is out at sea,
My head all over the place.
I'm losing sense of time,
And everything tastes the same.
I'll be home in a day,
I fear that's a month too late.

That night I slept,
On your side of the bed so,
It was ready when you got home.
We're like noughts and crosses in that,
Opposites always attract.

You've taken me to the top,
And let me fall back south.
You've had me at the top of the pile,
And then had me kissing the ground.
We've heard and seen it all,
No one's talked us out.
The problems that have come,
Haven't yet torn us down.

Am I keeping you awake?
If I am then just say.
You can make your own decisions;
You can make your own mistakes.
I'll live and let die all the promises you made,
But if you lie another time, it'll be a lie that's too late.

That night I slept,
On your side of the bed so,
It was ready when you got home.
We're like noughts and crosses in that,
Opposites always attract.

You always have your way,
For now it's too soon for you to say,
Will we be always, always?
 

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear.

You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important, that without them you feel like nothing.

No one will ever understand how much it hurts.

You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you.

And when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back.

So that you could have the good.

  

80's movies; they make my life.

I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face, and it never feels out of place. And you're still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace... I wonder how bad that tastes. When you see my face, I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way, I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell.

Now where's your picket fence love, and where's that shiny car? Did it ever get you far? You've never seemed so tense, love. Never seen you fall so hard, do you know where you are? Truth be told I miss you... Truth be told I'm lying.

When you see my face, I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way, I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell. If you find a girl that's "worth a damn and treats you well"... Then she's a fool, you're just as well hope it gives you hell. Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself, where did it all go wrong? But the list goes on and on. 

Now you'll never see what you've done to me... You can take back your memories, they're no good to me. And here's all your lies, you can look me in the eyes with the sad, sad look that you wear so well.

When you see my face, I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way, I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell. If you find a girl that's "worth a damn and treats you well"... Then she's a fool, you're just as well hope it gives you hell.

  

Somehow every thing's gonna fall right into place
If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday
If only time flew like a dove
Well God, make it fly faster than I'm falling in love

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming, hallelujah
We'll make it last forever

Holding onto patience wearing thin
I can't force these eyes to see the end
If only time flew like a dove
Well, we could watch it fly and just keep looking up

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming, hallelujah
We'll make it last forever

And we've got time on our hands
Got nothing but time on our hands
Got nothing but, got nothing but
Got nothing but time on our hands

This time we're not giving up
Oh, let's make it last forever
Screaming, hallelujah
Hallelujah